For the Record

For the record, I am spun that way you see
Round and round in the life together we crafted
Playing the same tunes day by day, the same way
Trying to make them sound new
Trying to make them appear different
Taking credit, avoiding blame

I'm so sorry - no I'm not - just checking, just adjusting
Another line for another time, make sure the story jibes
New time, new place, make the old shoe fit.

Was any of it ever real?

You were real, are real, will be real
Like the spindle in the center of my life
On and on I spin

I've been so dizzy, round and round
Never found the chance to see what's really going on

The boy in the plain jeans with the gray shirt
He must not have been so bad, not really
You loved him then, but maybe it was more the idea of him
Than the reality of him
He'd never let you see his face
Not his real face, not his real intent
Not his real fears

I hate him, that man who grew up to lie to you
I hate him with all the venom real intimate knowledge provides
How I hate him you can sympathize with
Trapped with him for all eternity
Round and round we go

Yet you blame me, dearest
And I cannot deny my fault
I was far too optimistic
I was much too confident
I didn't recon on how sneaky he was
I forgot his charm, his ability to rationalize the universe
Neatly into his pocket

He left the place an awful mess
A Herculean task to shift all that crap
Layer after layer, deeper and deeper down
Cutting deep, it hurts, but it heals

It isn't real, you cry, just another spin, another twirl of that baton
I can't blame you, dearest
I know how sneaky he is
I should have known better than to trust him dead and buried
And I cannot rest now, not even a moment
I cannot close my eyes, not even for a second
Lest he creep back

Keep your eye on the prize I cry
Keep that goal in your heart when your legs are weary
Two people, arm in arm
Two equals without pronouns
Co-conspirators in a life worth sharing
Worth holding, worth fighting for
Worth dying for

 

2010

creative commons